Wednesday, September 2, 2009

A Letter to Be Shared With Husbands


Dearest Husband,

I love you. Thank you for understanding that I was too busy to cook you dinner. Thank you for telling me to go ahead and get some sleep with the kids and letting the 3 of us go snuggle and drift off into dream land together in our big king sized bed.

Thank you for fending for yourself in an unselfish attempt to make it easy on us.

However,-- and I feel pushy for even making a request, may I make one small suggestion? In the future, when you decide at 9:30 at night when all the little ones and their mom are sleeping and you feel the need to cook yourself hamburgers on the kitchen stove, could you please turn the flame down to "Medium"? (That's halfway between the big dot and the little dot.)

You see, as you might have noticed last night darling, when you cook hamburgers on a high flame in the kitchen, it can cause a lot of smoke. The smoke in turn, can make the ultrasonic fire alarms we installed go off. Those alarms, sure are loud, just as the installer said. They will wake your sleeping children and wife upstairs sending them into a panic that their house is on fire.

They will, sweetheart, attempt to evacuate the house-- all the while screaming in terror as your wife carries your youngest who is paralyzed in fear and can do nothing more than scream bloody murder, and your son screams "The house is on fire!!" as they run for the front door, just as they have practiced in those ever-so-helpful firedrills.

When they find you there in the kitchen making a feverish attempt to stop the alarm, you may remember next time to turn off the stove first as the alarm will mostly likely, go off again since those yummy burgers are still burning.

I love you so much honey, bon appetite!

Ps. As a really good bonus that would tickle my fancy-- could you leave the burnt hamburger encrusted pan on the counter for me to wash in the morning? It would just make my day all the more brighter!

Love,
Your darling wife

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

have the divorce papers been filed?!!! Ba

Sam on September 2, 2009 at 2:03 PM said...

Lol! At least you can be sure the smoke alarm works now ;-)

||| laura frantz ||| on September 2, 2009 at 2:18 PM said...

Wow.

Teresa said...

wow jen! that was funny stuff!

Merry on September 3, 2009 at 10:04 PM said...

That is priceless and TOTALLY something that would happen at my house!

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