Thursday, September 10, 2009
Author: Jenafer | | at Thursday, September 10, 2009 |The past week and a half has been a very hard one for me. I have been full of questions and emotions. Doubting myself and my choices. And as usual, it has made me contemplative.
This evening while walking through my garden I think I found the answers I was looking for--that I needed to see.
I find that my garden often is a perfect analogy for life. Here's what I found.
My Black Eyed Susan's have been a source of confusion, frustration, and way too much effort this season. I was too hung up on what they were in the past, how they used to make me so happy, and wondering what I could do to fix the problem that was surely destroying them.
I tried watering, cultivating, kind loving care--at the risk of often ignoring my other healthy beautiful plants. I spayed fungicide, researched, and changed my ways in order to restore the once beautiful flowers.
Nothing worked. Each day I was crossed their path, they made me sad. They made me feel bad. The disease spread to nearby plants and I felt consumed by the destruction. I felt it was a reflection of me. Soon I visited my garden less and less. I tried to avoid catching them in my eye hoping to only see what was beautiful--but there they were-- popping their dark brown crackly leaves up through neighboring plants.
Even though I knew there was little hope on restoring the Black Eyed Susans to their former glory, I thought about them constantly and tried to figure it out. I looked past the massive amount of brown and kept hanging on to the image of the one or two blooms left.
Tonight I did what I should have done some time ago.
I pruned them flush to the ground. They no longer will fill my garden with their ugliness and feelings of failure. There are no more constant reminders of what could have been. I can now see my garden for the good and put the ugly behind me.
I didn't dig up the roots of the Black Eyed Susan's. They are still there underground. They will have another chance next Spring should they choose to take it. If they do though, I will be less tolerant of their disease and prune them back again immediately should the need arise to prevent the spread of ugliness. Should they choose to grow again next Spring I will do all I can to help them flourish. I will not let it grow out of control in hopes that it turns beautiful. I will not let their brown leaves and fallen petals become the focal point of my garden.