Thursday, September 18, 2008
Over the past few weeks she had been losing some weight but we chalked it up to a change in food etc. She still seemed healthy in that she was alert and purring, clear eyed, and social. Finally we took her to the vet yesterday to see if they could help her put some weight back on. Honestly I was expecting maybe some meds, a high calorie food something simple. That is not what turned out to be the case.
After a sad diagnosis I was faced with the choice of experimental surgeries costing over 1500$ which would not necessarily rectify the problem, bringing her home and allowing her to die-painfully, or euthanizing her. I am there sobbing, trying to make these decisions which are out of the blue, with my two babies there. I am trying to shelter them from the conversations and a kind nurse tootk them to the waiting room. I wrestled with what to tell the kids--do I lie?
I finally took them to the car, and explained somberly that Giggles was very ill and she would be going to heaven. The kids were beyond surprised and the emotion that came from them was heartbreaking. I asked them if they would like to go inside and say goodbye to her before she went to heaven, they ran inside sobbing.
Once in the room with Giggles the raw expression of saddness broke my heart. Michael asked her not to forget him so they could find each other when he went to heaven. He told her how much he loved her and that she was the best cat in the world. He held her as he said a prayer to God telling Him she was coming and she would be his pet now and to take good care of her.
Even now as I type this my eyes are welling with tears for the heartbreak they suffered yeasterday and pain they experienced. I dont even care about the B.S. people are saying about it being a good lesson blah blah blah....my kids experienced pain yesterday which was the worst in their young lives and it was even more painful to watch helplessly.
We are in healing mode today. We will be making a headstone, as suggested by Michael. He wants to then pick some nice sunflowers from the yard to lay at the stone. I will continue to try to bandage their hearts today knowing full well that this is a scar that will remain and all I can do is help it heal over as best I can.