Saturday, September 17, 2011

The Ultimate “Stay-cation”: Lyme's Disease

In this tough economy, may people are turning away from vacations and doing stay-cations instead. I would like to offer you the ultimate in the Stay-cation Experience: Lymes Disease. I know, you think I am crazy—but hear me out. You will find yourself hunting down a Lyme carrying tick before you finish reading this blog post.

Lets compare vacation experiences with Lymes Disease and see how they shape up.

Travel. Many people enjoy traveling far distances and seeing new places. Well, with Lymes Disease, you most likely will not be able to find a specialist in your geographic area and will get to indulge in such travel.

Meet New People. Ah, meeting new people. Sometimes when one goes on vacation they make friends with others on vacation. With Lymes Disease, you too can meet new people. Most will have medical degrees of varying fields; oncology, infectious disease, internal medicine, surgeons, etc. You options of meeting these new people is truly limitless as few people will realize you actually have Lymes Disease and they will continually bounce you over to another specialist to meet.

Loose Your Inhibitions. Sometimes people on vacation can tend to act in a promiscuous fashion. You get to do that too with Lymes Disease! I promise you will not miss out! The people you met in #2 will feel you up, both over your clothes and under them. You will leave their offices feeling as violated and used as if you had a drunken escapade in a bar. Promise.

See New Sights. The Taj Mahal? The Eiffel Tower? They both have nothing on seeing the various CT scan machines, radiology suites, and other specialty suites your local hospitals offer. You may get to see Pet Scan machines too. Become overly familiar with the twisty winding hallways of your local hospital and even serve as a knowledgeable tour guide for those people on their first visit.

Gamble. The casinos in Vegas are too predictable if you ask me. You either win or loose. Red or Black. With Lymes, you and your family can place wagers on what levels your blood will come back as…is it an AutoImmune Disease? What exactly is your white blood cell count. The possibilities are endless.

Relax. A short nap on a hammock in Jamaica has nothing on the months of time you will spend lying on your couch because you are too weak and in too much pain to do much else.

Indulge in Reading. A good book you say? A scary tale at night? Well, the shelves and the internet are littered with reading material you can horrify yourself with as you try to figure out what exactly is wrong with you.

Introspection. Do you like to meditate and ponder the mysteries of life while you learn about yourself? How about trying to figure out if you are crazy, a hypochondriac, or just loosing your mind? You can do that daily with Lymes Disease. Promise.

Learn a New Language. Screw learning French while sitting in Paris. You will be speaking in medical terms that none of your friends will understand. Big words like: Borrelia burgdorferi, Enzyme-linked immunosorbent assay, and Polymerase chain reaction.

Shopping. You don’t need to buy pretty little trinkets from Bermuda. You will get the chance to buy tons of vitamins and supplements which should all do one thing or another (or nothing at all). No boring haggling with local merchants in the Caribbean for their wares—You can compare the amounts of live cultures in the different types of probiotics as you make your purchases instead and ask the pharmacists never ending questions that they do not know the answers to.

See? Why deal with the TSA and the travel regulations when you could be having all this fun right from your home? Plus, vacations only last a week or so. Lymes Disease, well, who knows how long it will stay around but you can bet you’ll be measuring your time in months if not years. I think that trumps a mere seven days on the beach somewhere right?


Anonymous said...

maybe we need more pesticides!! that will create a new sta-cation!! how much fun will that be?!

Joy on November 3, 2011 at 4:11 PM said...

Too funny! Think I'll wait to try this! :-)

Zonoma on January 9, 2013 at 10:55 PM said...

I like your style but I hope you are feeling better by now. Lymes is awful.

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