Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Earning Your Wings: The Rites to Being a Backyard Chicken Farmer

So my sister now officially thinks of herself as a backyard chicken farmer. As I told her this morning: not so fast. She has had three 8 week chicks for all of 48 hours.

I have created this list of the rites she must pass through before calling herself an official chicken farmer.

Feel free to add ones I may have left out as we educate our novice fellow chicken raiser. Tally your scores and find out if you are a true backyard chicken farmer.

Give yourself 1 point for each answer of "Oh yeah, I have done that" and no points for "Huh? Really?"

1. You must slide and nearly fall from stepping on chicken poop. Bonus point if you fall.

2. A chicken must poop ON you. Bonus point if it is on your skin instead of clothing.

3. You must find yourself having a serious conversation with a chicken with no other human present. Bonus point if a neighbor points this out to you days later.

4. You transition from wearing boots into the coop (and scrubbing them down after entering) to flip flops or better yet, barefeet.

5. You have heard your chickens snore and can fairly accurately replicate this sound to your friends while drinking. Bonus point if you were sober.

6. You have washed a chickens butt in your home. Bonus point if it was in your bathroom sink.

7. You have cooked food for your chickens before cooking for your family.

8. Your husband points out that the chickens are fed more regularly than he is.

9. You have pried a warm egg out of the nest while a ticked off broody hen sits atop it. Bonus point if she pecks your hand. 2 bonus points if she pecks your face.

10. You have brought out fresh water and feed in one of the following: a snow storm with 3 feet of snow on the ground, a torrential rainstorm leaving you stranded in the coop, or a severe thunder and lightning storm. Bonus point for doing it in all three.

0-5 points: Um, you clearly do not have chickens other than the nuggets in your freezer.

5-10 points: Maybe you have visited some one with chickens, or a farm but its doubtful they live in your backyard. If they do, you are clearly not the one who takes care of them.

10-12 points: You have backyard chickens but not for long enough.

13-15 points: You are a crazy rocking backyard chicken farmer!

16 or higher: You have some serious issues. Get some non-feathered friends and step AWAY from the coop.

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